"Arrange" a love marriage....

In 2003, I debated on the topic " Love Marriage Vs Arranged Marriage " in college. We drew lots to select, and I drew Love Marriage.

The debate was held in a packed Oral Pathology hall. By the time my turn to speak came, there was hardly place to stand.

This is what I said:

" Everybody present in this hall, including myself, the judges and each and every one of you have loved at least once in your lives. You may have loved a person, you may have loved your school, your teachers, your friends, or you may have loved the last time you had dinner with your family.

You may have loved the first raindrop that fell on your cheeks or you may have loved it when your father wished you on your birthday. You may have loved any of these things, but yes, all of us have loved.

I believe that love cannot have a 12 word definition, but rather, love is defined by its purity. There is no other single emotion in the world which can be as pure a love. Anyone present here , who has ever truly loved, will know what I am talking about.

When you fall in love, that “someone” starts staying in your heart. You put that “someone's” happiness before your own. It hurts you deep inside when that person is in pain and your heart jumps with joy when you make that person happy. The day these feelings are reciprocated, is the most unforgettable day of your life.

Some of us are indeed this lucky. They marry the person they love and live happily ever after. I feel that marriage is like jumping from a plane flying high in the air.It is this spark of uncertainity when you jump, that gives marriage its high emotional quotient.

By not marrying the person you love, you are jumping without a parachute. My worthy opponents have said that marriages have to concieved with economic and social considerations. I would like to point out that while love may not be always enough to feed two stomachs, it is certainly enough to feed two hearts.

I agree that arranged marriages are not failures always, but then in these mariages, the real magic, the real chemistry is missing. It is this special touch of a painter, this special note of a musician, this special effort of an athlete , this special sprinkle of a chef, this special gesture of an artist  is what makes life so very special.

 Yes, there are hurdles in married life, but then what better weapon to overcome these hurdles that LOVE?

What better partner to fight these obstacles than the one person you completely understand and care for?

I think that by marrying someone you only hope you will like in the future, it is like going for the most important exam of your life, and not bothering to find out what the subject is.

Remember, we live only once, we truly love only once, and we marry just once in our lives.

By marying the person you love, you are taking a big step towards securing  a happy future for you and your partner.

 Someone has said  : “ Where there is a will, there is a way.”

 I say  : “Believe in love and love will show you the way.”

To conclude, A love marriage ensures that two people who love each other, understand each other and care for each other, spend the rest of their lives together. The relationship of mariage is considered to be one of the most sacred and respected relationships in the world. This descion is so important that absolutely nothing must be left to chance.

If two people are in love, there is every reason to believe that thier married life will be a success. A love marriage ensures that a couple knows each other`s likes and dislikes beforehand, thereby making adjustments very easy.

During times of emotional stress, love provodes that perfect cushion of relief. There is absolutely no doubt in our minds.

It is an open and shut case.We believe that a love marriage scores over an arranged marriage in every department.

I won that debate comfortably and to raptourous applause. 

But now, 5 years down the line, I think slightly differently. Sure, Im still in favour of a love marriage. But if I compare being single to being stranded on a deserted island, Id rather take my chances on a leaky, flimsy boat; than life my whole life on the island !!

Who knows, the boat might just take me to safety. Yes, maybe the journey wont be smooth sailing. I might topple over a couple of times, as long as I dont drown.

The girls of today have changed dramatically.  A very pretty girl whom I was talking to recently, was so calm when she told me " Yes, Ill be going in for an arranged marriage. That  way, my parents stay happy, and it isnt such a bad thing really."

Personally they scare the daylights out of me. Another girl I was talking to , said she like the guy so much during the first meeting itself, that she said  YES the very next day !!!  The meet lasted for about 6-7 hours, including a dinner and a movie. On the basis of that, she chose her life partner.

WOW. 

I take more time than that just to decide if I want to be really  good friends with somebody.

My 12 favourite scenes...

Its actually quite a task  to select 12 of your favourite scenes. Its much more difficult than selecting your 10 favourite movies, trust me.

In this selection, I have tried ( unsuccessfully?):

- to only consider movies released after 1994

- to select scenes irrespective of their length and importance to the movie

- to not be partial towards any particular genre

Listing these, starting from least favourite to most favourite, they are : ( the youtube video  links follow the headings )

12. Rang De Basanti :  www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8Q7xgCu8oc

Aamir Khan in the car with Sue next to him. Very faint, almost imperceptible background music. He tells her how college days will come to an end soon, and life will change for everyone. The amazing metaphor about the being on either side of the college gate. Something we all have experienced.

11. Kabhi Alvida na Kehna: www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-QZo9Um4QU

Contrary to public opinion, this movie remains very clsoe to my heart. It has so many scenes that are so special to me: Priety and Rani both crossing the road at the same time, the entire mitwa song, Amitabh's party speech, the dinner table scene, etc etc.

But his particular scene, when rani and Shah Rukh meet for the first time, on her wedding day, is the stand out.

Simply because it asks a simple question: What will you do, if you find true love after marriage ?

For me this remains Karan Johar's finest work till date.

10. Lagaan :  ( no Youtube link)

You would think that the final six hitting scene woyuld be my favourite, but I love two other scenes.

i) The sarat (bet) scene, when the villagers are sitting with Aamir standing. He is offered the bet of winning the cricket  match and not paying taxes for 3 years. The villagers plead with Aamir to refuse the bet. With pulsating background music, he locks his eyes into the Englishman's and says just three words, that emody the spirit of Lagaan. " Sarat manjur hai".

ii) The last scene of the movie, when in the pouring rain, all the villagers are watching the English troops leave their land. As Elizabeth says goodbye and the camera pans out, Amitabh's narration in his rich baritone says, " Yeh kahaani itihas ke panno me kahi kho gayi " and the end credits start rolling.

9. Mohabbatein : ( no Youtube link)

This scene was awarded the Sony Best Scene  Filmfare award  that year, and deservingly so. This is the scene just before the climax scene, where Amitabh, basking in his victory, adopts a patronizing attitude towards Shah Rukh, who meekly apologizes. Just as he about to leave, he puts things in perspective by telling Amitabh that it is he who has actually lost. In the background, a giant Aishwarya Rai portrait tells its own story. Very effective use of the thunder sound effect.

8.Chak de India: www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPue3ESHN5A

After the final victory, you would expect a trademark presentation ceremony, followed by a long and emotional speech by SRK. In his speech he would thank the girls, pass cheeky comments agaisnt the selectors, say spirited lines against the media who branded him as a traitor and in the end, declare his love for the country. But all he does after Vidya saves the final penalty, is go weak in his knees and just look at the tri colour. I still belive that it is because of this one scene, that he was chosen over Darsheel Safary.

7. Taare Zameen Par: www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeDn8VmMBtM

All of us have choked almost continously throughout his movie, even more so in the 2nd half. As the climax builds up during the final painting competition, with the song Kholo Kholo, Darsheel Safary finally cannot contain his curiosity any longer. He has to know what his Sir is painting. He tentatively peers over the canvas and sees his own portrait. Unable to hold back any longer, he breaks down and looks at Aamir Khan, who is about to break down himself.They hug each other. We, in the audience are spell bound. Outstanding.

6. Kal ho naa ho : www.youtube.com/watch?v=vo1Uo_DWvkM&feature=related

Another of my favourite movies, with almost 15 scenes that are really special. Shah Rukh has had many famous entry scenes in his carreer.. the jump onto the stage in Dil to Paagal Hai, the helicopter entry in K3G, the rose in Mohobbatein, etc.

But his entry in this movie is the best for me. A disspirited and dejected family kneels down in prayer together,  asking for Jesus to send them an Angel, a farishta, who will make all wrongs right.

And bang on cue, Shah Rukh appears, with a sweet flashback of the spilt coffee. The way the light comes on in his house, the way he sees them praying and looks up into the sky cannot be forgotten easily.

All this, of course, with the haunting Heartbeats instrumental in the background.

5. Dil Chahta Hai : www.youtube.com/watch?v=sleDFrWsIlE

One of the best friendshjip scenes ever, a repentant Aamir Khan  stops at the Wilson College signal on Marine Drive and realizes his folly as he remembers his college days. He calls up Akshaye Khanna, says sorry and asks him to Just Turn Around. 

4. Sarfarosh : www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMee9JlC2og

Aamir has trapped Naserrudin Shah into comminting a murder, so that he can be arrested. Naserrudin tries to justify all his actions and then Ammir launches into a fiery  soliliquie that shuts every one up. Who can forget " chand sikko ke liye apne desh ko bechne jaa raha tha, saala haramzada", a line that is cut from the version played on cable channels.

3. Black : ( no Youtube link)

One of the most delicate and difficult scenes of this path breaking movie, where Rani wants to  feel a kiss. Amitabh wrestles with his conscience and finally gives in. Totally devoid of titillation, there is a hushed silence in the cinema hall as the kiss unfolds. And then, flooded with shame, Amitabh leaves the room. Leaving us in tears.

2. Swades : www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITBc-mu-pz4

The famous "Cup of Water " scene, where Mohan Bhargav is returning from his journey. He has almost made up his mind, but not quite. At a station, a poor, almost naked boy pleads with him to buy a cup of water for a few annas. The boy doesnt have change, so he keeps fiddling in his pockets to find some. Meanwhile, the train srtas shugging out of the station. Mohan, only drinking mineral water till then, rasies the cup and drains it. And his eyes do all the talking. And hats off, A R Rahman, for a beautiful background music score, which incidentaly, won the Filmfare award that year.

1. Devdas : www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkiC09qIbKk

For me, this scene is the pinnacle of acting, the ultimate. Although the climax scene of Devdas is mindblowing, this scene is truly special. After Maar Dala, Devdas starts a long soliloquie , smashing bottles as he keeps talking. Madhuri provides ample support, her body jerking with every bottle breaking. The scene then moves outside, as he stumbles down the steps and staggers on to the bridge. The cresecendo builds up, with Devdas Narayan Mukherjee announcing a mock sentence of the court on himself  " To drink till death ".   Goosebumps all the way. 

Short Movie Review # 8 : Khuda Ke Liye

Highly recommended to me by my friends, I decided to see Khuda Ke Liye. Luckily, almost 3 weeks after its India release, E Square had a single show still running.

Khuda Ke Liye doesnt pretend to be a fun, paisa vasool kind of movie for even a minute. There is almost no humour, just a few instances of dry wit and sarcasm. It tells us 3 parallel stories. 

The first two stories are of two young, talented Pakistani musicians, Mansoor and Sarmad. Sarmad gets hypnotised by the religious sermons of a Moulana and becomes a misguided and confused fanatic, being told that jehad is his sole objective. Mansoor, more level headed, flies to USA for further formal training in music, and gets caught up and jailed in the post 9/11 Muslim racial discrimination.

The third story, that of Mary , the daughter of a Pakistani settled in London for many years; is the most poignant and touching. She is in love with Davey, a gora, but is tricked by her father into travelling to Pakistan and  marying Sarmad, who even happens to be her first cousin. What follows is captivity in a small Afghani village, and a revelation for Mary that changes her ideologies and priorities in life.

KKL works as a serious film, meant for a niche audience. There was almost complete silence in the theatre hall during the running time of roughly 2 and a half hours. The performances are searing and honest. The facial expressions are just right and the dialgoues, measured and effective.

The whole look and feel of this movie is big budget. Lavish cinematography, great costumes and locales give a realistic tone to the movie. The music is good and the background score in particular stands out. The allah-allah chorus chant stays with you long after the movie is over. 

But the icing on the cake is the 15 min cameo of Naserruddin Shah towards the end. This powerhouse of acting talent, absoutely demolishes everyone with his mere screen presence, confidence and dialogue delivery.

Wish he had a longer role.

A must see. Rating : 4 stars 

P.S. : If this is how much  a Pakistani movie on post 9/11 can touch our hearts, we are ready for "My Name Is Khan". Bring it on, Mr. Karan Johar.

Short Movie Review # 7 : Iron Man

This is not a super hero movie. What defines a super hero anyway? For me, it is someone who has powers that are god-given, or someone who is not human(Superman, X men), or someone who acquires them as a result of an accident ( Spiderman, Fantastic 4).

In this movie, Robert Downey Jr uses his intelligence, skill and technical wizardry to build a suit to help him toe scape from his villainous Afghani captors. Not to save the world. But to get his as* out of a smelly cave.

It is then another matter, that he improves upon the prototype design to build a new super suit, hundreds of times more powerful. But only once does he use it for the benefit of mankind. But hey... this is only Iron Man 1 that we are talking about. Rest assured, there will be Iron Man 2 and Iron Man 3 to follow.
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The special effects are stunning, but the climax suit vs suit fight reminds you heavily of Transformers. What makes this movie different , is the crisp dialogues, and the dead pan demanour of Robert Downey Jr.

The balding villain is gratefully done away with in the end. The sequel will definitely needs someone more spiffy to fill in the bad guys shoes.

All in all, a good time pass movie, nothing path breaking. Not a patch on X men, is actually what I mean .

Rating : 2.5 stars

A small acknowledgment...

As you grow older, you start becoming more independent. You are treated differently. You can now do the things that you weren't allowed to. And you love it.

But this liberty, comes with a price. Of responsibility.

I remember the way my studies used to be taken during my school days. Dad had charge of History,Civics, Geography and Social Science. Mom had Science-I, Science -2 and Maths. I really didn't require too much help for English, Hindi and Marathi.

Mom was the classical teacher, she would sit right next to me on the study table, teaching me proper sitting posture, urging me to write in my best handwriting.

Dad was cool. He would give me time-bound tasks... half an hour for a small topic, an hour for a bigger one. At the end of which, he would take the book in his hand. I was free to stand, sit, lie down, walk around, stand on my head... he didn't care, as long as I gave the correct answers. it was a verbal volley, no boring writing for him. I would have this green faded tennis ball in my hand, which we would throw to each other during this session. Depending on how many times we could drop it, we could keep score. I would get creamed most of the times.

He would frame his own questions... they would go backwards from the end of the chapter. and then suddenly ask me something from the middle !! Some of them would be trick questions.. But I used to scrape through somehow.. he would just tell me one thing.

" Rohit, ALWAYS study first, and then play. Never do the opposite. You want to see a movie, first study, then go for it. You want to see a cricket match, first study, then go ahead and enjoy it. Dont say... Let me watch the match, then I promise ill study .That never works."

Dad was officially relieved of my study responsibility after I passed my 10th. I remember Dad and Mom calculating from my marklist, who had "won". Dad's role then was limited to giving me pep talks, bringing me back to reality, curbing my free time hours, restricting my TV, etc etc. Of course I had joined a whole bunch of tuition classes. When there were just a few months to go for my 12th, he took me aside one day.

" This is it Rohit. This is the exam that counts. I'm only worried about you for this one. After you join a professional course, I'm never going to tell you to study. You'll manage it fine on your own."

Yeah right, I thought. Good job , Daddy-O, but I'm not buying that one. Not tell me to study ??? Ha ha. Incredible.

But he was true to his word. As BDS started, my parents suddenly took their hands off my studies. They claimed I was old enough now, to know whats good for me. I could plan my own study schedule.

Suddenly, I could decide when I wanted to start studying. One month before the exam, one week, one day. I could decide how many hours I wanted to study in a day. 5,8,10,3,1, zero.....I could decide everything. Not that I didn't get a few glares from them when they saw me fooling around. But never was a harsh word said.

And then strangely, I developed an emotion, or rather, discovered one that had been alien to me so far as far as studies were concerned. Pride.
Pride in doing well in exams. Pride in topping a paper. Pride in telling them I had done well.It was a very significant phase of my life. A phase that moulded the way I approached every exam, every test from then on.

Ill never forget Dad putting on a very matter-of-fact: "Yes, so what! You have to do well, its expected of you", demanour in front of me, but be so clearly transparent in his joy.

My Mom's face breaking out in a huuuuuuge smile every time I told her my marks. And was that a moist eye, or a trick of the light? I could never be sure. And I never had the courage to ask.

But on record, I want to say that I find it tough studying on my own. Especially now. When I have near constant access to the internet, my mobile phone, TV and a million other distractions. I would rather be shouted at, have my phone taken away, net disconnected, TV locked up and have my study schedule decided by my parents. Anytime. They could even share the subjects.

And I really miss the tossing the ball to Dad.

And for some strange unexplainable reason, this 26 year old dentist just cant bring himself to ask his 60 year old dad whether he wants to toss the ball around again.

If he agrees, I'll be more than happy to lose. What the heck, I'll drop every ball.