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Thursday, May 29, 2008

"Arrange" a love marriage....


In 2003, I debated on the topic " Love Marriage Vs Arranged Marriage " in college. We drew lots to select, and I drew Love Marriage.
The debate was held in a packed Oral Pathology hall. By the time my turn to speak came, there was hardly place to stand.

This is what I said:

" Everybody present in this hall, including myself, the judges and each and every one of you have loved at least once in your lives. You may have loved a person, you may have loved your school, your teachers, your friends, or you may have loved the last time you had dinner with your family.

You may have loved the first raindrop that fell on your cheeks or you may have loved it when your father wished you on your birthday. You may have loved any of these things, but yes, all of us have loved.

I believe that love cannot have a 12 word definition, but rather, love is defined by its purity. There is no other single emotion in the world which can be as pure a love. Anyone present here , who has ever truly loved, will know what I am talking about.

When you fall in love, that “someone” starts staying in your heart. You put that “someone's” happiness before your own. It hurts you deep inside when that person is in pain and your heart jumps with joy when you make that person happy. The day these feelings are reciprocated, is the most unforgettable day of your life.

Some of us are indeed this lucky. They marry the person they love and live happily ever after. I feel that marriage is like jumping from a plane flying high in the air.It is this spark of uncertainity when you jump, that gives marriage its high emotional quotient.

By not marrying the person you love, you are jumping without a parachute. My worthy opponents have said that marriages have to concieved with economic and social considerations. I would like to point out that while love may not be always enough to feed two stomachs, it is certainly enough to feed two hearts.

I agree that arranged marriages are not failures always, but then in these mariages, the real magic, the real chemistry is missing. It is this special touch of a painter, this special note of a musician, this special effort of an athlete , this special sprinkle of a chef, this special gesture of an artist  is what makes life so very special.

 Yes, there are hurdles in married life, but then what better weapon to overcome these hurdles that LOVE?

What better partner to fight these obstacles than the one person you completely understand and care for?

I think that by marrying someone you only hope you will like in the future, it is like going for the most important exam of your life, and not bothering to find out what the subject is.

Remember, we live only once, we truly love only once, and we marry just once in our lives.

By marying the person you love, you are taking a big step towards securing  a happy future for you and your partner.

 Someone has said  : “ Where there is a will, there is a way.”

 I say  : “Believe in love and love will show you the way.”

To conclude, A love marriage ensures that two people who love each other, understand each other and care for each other, spend the rest of their lives together. The relationship of mariage is considered to be one of the most sacred and respected relationships in the world. This descion is so important that absolutely nothing must be left to chance.

If two people are in love, there is every reason to believe that thier married life will be a success. A love marriage ensures that a couple knows each other`s likes and dislikes beforehand, thereby making adjustments very easy.

During times of emotional stress, love provodes that perfect cushion of relief. There is absolutely no doubt in our minds.

It is an open and shut case.We believe that a love marriage scores over an arranged marriage in every department.

I won that debate comfortably and to raptourous applause. 

But now, 5 years down the line, I think slightly differently. Sure, Im still in favour of a love marriage. But if I compare being single to being stranded on a deserted island, Id rather take my chances on a leaky, flimsy boat; than life my whole life on the island !!

Who knows, the boat might just take me to safety. Yes, maybe the journey wont be smooth sailing. I might topple over a couple of times, as long as I dont drown.

The girls of today have changed dramatically.  A very pretty girl whom I was talking to recently, was so calm when she told me " Yes, Ill be going in for an arranged marriage. That  way, my parents stay happy, and it isnt such a bad thing really."

Personally they scare the daylights out of me. Another girl I was talking to , said she like the guy so much during the first meeting itself, that she said  YES the very next day !!!  The meet lasted for about 6-7 hours, including a dinner and a movie. On the basis of that, she chose her life partner.

WOW. 

I take more time than that just to decide if I want to be really  good friends with somebody.


6 comments:

Anonymous said...

No doubt you won that debate so convincingly....and as far as agreeing with it is concerned I thought I am reading my own thoughts:-)literally..

Superdoc said...

Thank you ! :-)

Pranj said...

I think of it as..a marriage having two essential ingredients..one is love..the other is a working partnership. Couples crazy about eachother can fail to form a working partnership ..thats what makes love marriages fail... In arranged marriages you hope to search for background factors that will make the partnership work..and hope that over a period of time. there will develop enough love in the relationship. In a love marriage you start with the ingredient of love..in an arranged marriage..with the partnership..no one ingredeint can make up for lack of the other...It doesn't matter which way you start..as long as you find both ...love and a working partnership.

Superdoc said...

Pranj:

What a beautiful idealistic comment."As long as you find both...love and a working partnership".

As long as you make lots of money......

As long as you never fall sick.....

As long as you becoem famous....

As long as you are really good at what you do...

The as long as list is never ending!!!

The point is, out of "your" two starting points, which one is more important? Where would you prefer to start? Love or partnership? Mind or heart ? Passion or understanding?

RJ said...

you write well mamya....somehow never thought of you as an arranged marriage guy anyways...so its cool if it scares the daylights out of you....you won't do it...i am sure !

Superdoc said...

RJ I am really keen to know who you are, since you dont think of me as an arranged mariage type of guy...

U know me really well!