Try Walking Away...

Sometimes, its best not to argue. You may be right, or you may be wrong, it doesn't matter. And especially if the fight is with someone you are close to, its the best way to diffuse the situation.

Eight years ago, I had a trivial fight with one of my close friends. Just when harsh words were beginning to be said, I walked away. We didn't speak for the next month or so, but there were no biter memories of any stinging insults. There was just awkwardness. Which was eventually overcome. There is, of course, another way to go about these things. You could scream, shout, rave, rant, hurl abuses, debate and ultimately prove your point. But in doing so you say so many things, that you later on wish you hadn't.

My mom once told me , " Words are like Astras( Indian mythologial special powers granted by the GODS just by saying them aloud); once they are spoken, they cannot be taken back." You could hurt someone really badly with a sentence that hits them where no slap, punch or kick can.

And that is why I choose to walk away. Or hang up. Depending on the situation. Just when you feel you are boiling over, turn the gas off. Cut yourself out. Take some time. Let a day or two pass. You wont believe the clarity of thought that comes with a new day.

A few months ago, a friend, his wife and yours truly were shopping at a mall. There was a mistake made by a employee, and my friend blew his top. Just when he started screaming at the employee, the Floor Manager came rushing to us, offered his apologies, and took us away to his office on another floor. This happened within 2-3 min. The speed and the way in which he diffused the situation greatly impressed me. We were given water, and free gifts. No arguments, no debate.

Rather than making a fire look insignificant by making an even bigger one next to it,I like to separate myself from it as much as I can, so its flames wont touch me. Eventually, the fire will burn itself out.

It might upset the other person, who is probably expecting a grand argument, but trust me, it works.

Try it the next time. Try walking away.

Love ? Actually?

When did love die? When, exactly did the last few glowing embers get stamped out? It was burning, albeit a slow flickering flame till about a few years ago.I can vouch for that. I look around me now, and I don’t see it anywhere. I don’t feel it anywhere.

You will brand me as a harsh cynic. I’m not. I’m actually being lenient here. All I see around me is convenience and practicality. If I had met anyone just starting college 8 years ago, I would have told that person “ Who knows, you might find your true love here… wait for it ”. Now Ill probably tell him, “ Make the most of your time in college . Sure, if you do find love, don’t let it go, but please don’t sit around waiting for it. ”

They say times have changed. Now kids have mobile phones. Generous pocket money. Uncensored internet access. Facebook accounts. Do I belong to this generation? Hey, I’m only 26. But I can confidently say that I grew up differently.

The period from 14-20 is considered to be the most volatile period for a man’s hormones. And in those 6 years, I grew up with a landline, very little pocket money, no internet and cable TV just in its fledgling stages. Thank God for that.

They say when you meet the person you love, you experience a lot of things. Your heart rate increases dangerously. So does your respiratory rate. If you are really in for it, your fingers might start trembling slightly. You start feeling the saliva accumulate in your mouth, and just when you feel it might spill out, you try to swallow it. But this confuses your vocal cords , and so you feel a huge lump in your throat that refuses to go away. A tingle runs down your spine. And more importantly, in your mind , you just know. Like how at that precise moment, Neo knew he was the one.

Do you know anyone, to whom the above has happened recently? Or has it happened to you in the recent past? Most probably, the answer to both these questions is no. You or your friends though, may have felt certain other feelings, which I choose not to describe here. Was love a finite element, which simply got used up and spent? Because love, as you will agree, is being used since the world began. Who is to confidently say, that he-dinosaurs did not go ga-ga over dainty little she-dinosaurs?

The way love is depicted in movies has changed. And that is why, I consider Kabhi Alvida na Kehna, to be ahead of its times. There was no melodramatic lovey-dovey slow-mo shots, a la DDLJ, a la KKHH, a la hundreds of other movies. They needed each other, they were they for each other. Simple.

Infidelity has increased at the same rate as the way love has decreased. Are they inversely proportional? A friend of mine, had this as the startup phone screen message for years “ ALL MEN ARE BASTARDS”. I used to vehemently deny that. Now I don’t. And it holds true for women as well. Someone I knew, someone whose relationship I had been following since its inception, recently fell prey to temptation. That person was the last bastion of resistance. No more.

I have written this piece after giving much thought to the matter. It has not been written hastily, but after months, years of observation and experimentation. Both with self and with others.

Nothing sums up my sentiments, like this line from KANK :

“ Mohabbat ke zamaane gujar gaye janab,

Mohabbat ke zamaane gujar gaye janab,

Ab chote-mote pyar se hi kaam chala li jiye aap…”

Four rupees..

When was the last time you bargained for something ? Maybe it cost Rs.60, and you wanted it for Rs. 50. For 15 rupees, you pleaded your case for half an hour like a lawyer in the High Court. Ive done that a few times as well.

The question is, did I really need to save those 15 rupees? Was I bargaining just because it was simply not done to accept the given rate, or was I actually needy?

A few days ago, I had to give my two-wheeler for servicing. With the rains like that are here in Pune it was not prudent to postpone it any longer. I stay about 12 km from college and most of it is one long straight road, a so-called highway. There are 6-seater auto rickshaws that ply on that road, and after my father had dropped me there, I got into one of those. Ive traveled in them a few times, and i knew that the fare for a journey of about 4-5 km was Rs. 6/-.

I didn't bother asking him the fare and promptly proceeded to plug in my earphones and enjoy the bumpy ride. For once I was on the guilty side and I took sadistic pleasure at the way the driver made other motorists curse at him.

After a while, a stop before the point at which I was due to get off, a man alighted and handed two Rs.2 coins to the driver. The driver told the man that the fare was 8 rupees, not 4. The man stared in disbelief, and then the disbelief soon turned to anger. The two of them started arguing heatedly. The man was furious, sure that he had been cheated. He was helpless, as he had not bothered to ask the driver the fare beforehand. Although he knew he had to pay, the man made sure he let the driver know what he thought of him and his family.

I then realized, that the man was not arguing for the sake of hearing his own voice. It had pained him to be parted with 4 rupees due to his foolishness. He probably had a daily budget, and he had just overshot it. Would he have to skip his daily tea? Or the newspaper?

I then turned to look at the driver more closely. The prices of diesel had just shot up. He had been arguing just as vehemently as that other man. He probably had his monthly target to meet. An increase in fare of about Rs 4 per passenger would amount to hundreds of rupees in a month. He needed to win that argument for the sake of the other passengers. This argument would set the tone for the rest of the journey. I could see his tense, taut face from where I sat , in the side view mirror.The atmosphere inside the auto was a bit tense too, with the passengers wondering what they would do when their turn came. I'm sure none of them had bothered to ask him the fare.

These two men, had argued for almost five minutes for 4 rupees. But to me, it was worth much more than that.

My stop came , and I alighted. I got out and the driver looked at me, expecting me to ask him the fare and start another argument. I quietly handed out a 10 rupee note, and before he could react, I walked off. I could feel the other passengers staring at my back.

I had to take sides, and I had just taken his.

The Dhoni Effect

Ok, I like this guy. I dont love him, I like him. I like the way he stays icy cool during pressure situations, both as a batsman and as a captain.But hang on, the Rajiv Gandhi Khel Ratna???? India's highest sporting honour? And I say sporting, not cricketing. Only Sachin Tendulkar has won it (deservingly ) so far. Surely, Rahul Dravid and Anil Kumble are much more appropriate candidates. Yes, Dhoni's time will come, but he has just started his career and has a good 10 years left in him.

Anil Kumble is (undisputed) India's biggest match winner so far. The innumerable times he won us test matches on a crumbling 4th or 5th day pitch gave us the aura of invincibility at home. I will never forget the sight of Kumble,with his jaw fractured, strapped up and bowling to Lara. And yes, he got him too in the end.

Rahul Dravid. The man who stood up to be counted whe the composition of the side was in chaos. Who donned the wicketkeeping gloves for India and solved captain Saurav Ganguly's dilemma, allowing him to play 7 batsmen, and thus winning many a game. Dravid changed his game dramatically to suit the ODI format, and was the best finisher for a period of 2 years. His record in Tests remains impeccable. At a time during 2004-2005, hje was going at a rate that would have been a threat to the records of the peerless Tendulkar.

The justification given for Dhonis award, was his role in winning the T20 World Cup, and the Australia Tri Series. I still maintain, that giving the final over to Joginder Sharma was a huge mistake, and rather than we winning the World Cup, Pakistan ( or rather, Misbah ul Haq ) lost it.

The Australia Tri Series? Only one man , Sachin Tendulkar, stood rock solid between India and defeat.

And under the same Dhoni's leadership, India has recently lost two tri series finals, both very embarrassingly.

But the fact remains that Dhoni has taken the whole country by storm and the "Dhoni Effect" has lead to clouded thinking, idol worship and immunity from bad press.

But Dhoni's destiny seems to have decided its own course. As he himself has said in an TV advert,
" Honi ho gayi anhoni, aur main ban gaya Dhoni ".

Short Movie review # 17 : Ugly aur Pagli

Too bad Ranvir Shorey's uncle is not a top actor who knows how to play the publicity game like the back of his hand. Too bad this movie was not produced by this top actor, who could afford A.R. Rehman for another movie he recently produced. Too bad there were no promotional tours in different cities, and no black tie premiere with half of Bollywood invited.

Too bad, that this fine movie, due to lack of hype/interest/curiosity, will die an early death. Sure, some earnest souls like me will try our best to promote it through word of mouth.

For me ,Ugly aur Pagli is the sweetest and most fun movie of the year where you can unabashedly laugh at the audacity of the humor. Shorey plays Kabir, a Maharashtrian mumbaikar, who has failed in his engineering college 4 times. He meets Mallika Sherawat (Kuhu), and sparks fly. Only for him , that is. Several drunken episodes and slaps later, he realizes he loves her, but she doesn't love him.

It doesn't matter. All he wants , is to keep her happy. It doesn't matter that her parents are straight out of a freak show. He is still crazy about her. (By the way, did we see the girl's parents being the reason the boy suddenly not loving her any more in a recent movie that is supposedly the biggest hit of 2008 ?)

Yes, this movie has a few bad points as well. The irritating bellboy who hams, the flat music ( except for talli) and the wierd dream sequences.

Shorey and Sherawat have crackling chemistry and mercifully, neither overdoes the humor. This in fact, is the key to the charm of the movie, with both of them underplaying their characters to perfection. I have always like Mallika Sherawat as an actress since Khwaaish, I loved her in Pyar ke Side Effects and now im a big fan !

As for Ranvir Shorey, this is what I call carrying a movie without any great music or star power.
Go see it !
Rating : 3.5 stars

P.S. : This movie really is what its tag line says it is : "This summer's craziest comedy".