Try, try till you fail...

In 2008, I lost the college debate for the first time in 9 years. Later that day I got a text message from one of my teachers. It simply said: "It is good to lose sometimes". I have never forgotten that message till today.

Failure sometimes can be more important than success. Failure spurs us to improve, to rectify our shortcomings. Failure is important. Like we learn from our physical bruises, emotional failure is also a great teacher.

Perhaps, failure is a crucial rite of passage, a part of growing up. I remember my numerous failures over the years with alarming accuracy.Ive come to the conclusion that it is important, perhaps necessary, to have these failures.

I wonder if those who have never failed an exam, know what it feels like? The crushing imploding feeling within. The shame, the anger. The grit and the resolve that follows. And the sweet success, almost akin to revenge.

I remember losing friends. Sometimes due to my own mistakes,at other times not so. Now I'm a little more careful, more circumspect.

What about matters of the heart then? This is perhaps the most important failure that one needs to experience in life. Only someone who has experienced this will understand what I mean. This failure can change you completely. It brings you to a fork on the road where you can go in one of many directions. It may give you inner strength. It may make you a hard cynic. Or make you lose the faith. It may crush you. Or it may lift you. But all these roads eventually make you a better person.You realize the value of the person you are with. Just maybe, you swallow the angry ,harsh sentence that has come to the tip of your tongue. If you do, thank your stars. Thank your past.

I have nothing against you if you haven't tasted failure before. In fact, all the more power to you. But life isn't all about the wins, the No.1s, the successes.

Failures have their own place in the grand scheme of things. HE knows it. After all, HE designed it.

Remember the time ?

During the day, I find myself thinking about the days gone by. I compare. I reflect. I wish. I regret. Why do I have so many memories? And why do I keep going back to them?

Someone recently told me that 'Nostalgia' is an exaggerated recollection of past events. Later that day I thought about it.

I realized that events that were not so significant when they actually appeared, may seem earth shattering now. Emotions that were under control then, may boil over now. Good people become super people, bad people become really nasty villains.

Then a part of me begged to differ. I remembered breaking down on the last of my Internship in college. That was real. As was the Oath Ceremony.

I remembered when I had said goodbye to someone, never to see that person again. The hurt was real. The day I got my first salary. The pride was real.

The relief when my MDS exam was over. The first day of the new job. Thrill. Excitement. Nervousness. Yes I had felt it all. Just the way I remember now.Not exaggerated.

I remembered a thousand other things. Overwhelming. But welcome.

Memories are wonderful. I like them more than dreams. Memories are real. Believable. Possible. They are also a reality check. Warnings. "Go slow on this corner.You tore your ligament on this turn, remember ? "

Maybe I look back at the yesteryears because life isn't as emotionally topsy-turvy now. Maybe it will never be.

But my memories will live on. Undiminished, unabated. And on and on and on...

What about you?

Much ado about...

Why do we compromise on the more important decisions in life rather than the lesser important ones? Ive tried hard but I have been unable to come up with the answer. I might spend months researching the best mp3 player/phone that costs about ten thousand rupees, and spend about a fortnight-month deciding on a new car.

Is there some weird kind of reverse psychology at work here? Its gets even more mind boggling when it comes to an arranged marriage scenario. About 3-4 meetings and pooooooof... you are expected to come up with a YES or NO. Worse, you can always buy a new mp3 player, but a getting a new life partner isn't that easy.One explanation may be that the monetary value of an object may not be the same as the importance we attach to it in our minds. If you ask me honestly, my mp3 player is as/more important to me than my car.

But that's me.

I spoke to my colleague about this and he had a very interesting take. He said that it is our natural reaction to fear big decisions. Big choices. Our subconscious tells us that if we take too much time, some negativity might creep in and we may make the wrong choice.There are so many more normal people out there who think they have made a wrong choice about their professions/new houses/life partners/cars, but they are proud of their latest watches/phones/music systems/plasma TVs.

However, I wonder if what Ive noticed, applies to people who are detached from materialistic things. Maybe they get a bigger kick about the perfect Yoga Mat or the perfect green salad. All the more power to them.

As for me, I'm going to take my own sweet time !

Thank you, Mr. Ratan Tata.

I don't see too many Tata Nanos on the road. People tell me the deliveries haven't really started yet. I hope so. When this topic of discussion comes up, I am the only one saying that the Nano is sure to be a success. I am vehemently opposed by everyone present. "No chance", they say. "Its like an auto rickshaw", they saw. "It sounds like a scooter"... "Who would want to be seen in that"... "People would rather save some more and buy a 3.5 lac car entry-level hatchback".

Maybe. But maybe the Nano wasn't made for people who wanted to be seen in a car. Maybe it was never aimed at being a status symbol. Maybe it was meant to just provide the safety and security that a car offers. Maybe in a country with one billion people, there is a family of three somewhere, who still travels on a two wheeler. Where the four year old son sits tightly between the father and the mother. Or sometimes just behind his father or mother, with his face exposed to the pollution and wind around him. Maybe he could pick up a respiratory illness, possibly even pneumonia...

He would then need to be operated and as a result become so weak, that he would have to learn walking all over again. And develop asthma as a post-op complication. Maybe his whole life would change after that. He would have to carry a 4-inch inhaler with him. Always. No mater where he went, no matter what clothes he wore. He would feel unsafe without it. He would have to take a dose before sleeping everyday, and on 300 days in a year, he would wake up feeling short of breath. He would need it more often during weather fluctuations.He would never be able to take aspirin and ibuprofen, the most common pain killers in the world.

That kind of family would then be forced to buy a new Maruti 800, even if they couldn't afford it. Take a loan, even pawn some wedding jewelery. Maybe the Nano is made for such families.

I guess if the Nano had been available in 1986 for about Rs.15000, I wouldn't have a two inch scar on my chest.

Nevertheless, thank you Mr. Ratan Tata. A promise is indeed,a promise.

Super-Me !

Ive always been fascinated by superheroes and the amazing things they can do. And I have always struggled with this scenario: 'If given a choice, of getting one superpower, which one would it be?

Every time I go on a 'JD style' imaginary journey, which somehow ends with me regretting the choice I make. I mean there are so many kickers to every superpower. Does that superpower let me maintain my present identity? How long will it last for? Is it reversible?

Ive been tempted to opt for the power to fly. But since I do not have any other power, will I really be able to take the extreme temperatures? What about flying out of the earths atmosphere. That would mean a very messy end to my short super-powered life.

I always wanted to be invisible. But then , would I be able to pass though things and also be able to touch them at will (a la Ghost)) ? would I be heard? Would I have to wear clothes? Questions, questions.

How about the ability to control metal? Nah. Unless I want to be a crack architect, I couldn't really have too much fun this one.

The ability to spin webs? Uuugh. I wonder how Spidey keeps his chin up.

The ability to heal my wounds? Sure, but Id have to join the army to be of any real use and that would be that for my secret identity.

The power to heal someone else's wounds? As a doctor Id be the toast of the entire world. But... errrrrr.. Something's missing.

The power to control weather? Naaah, I love the unpredictability pg the Pune weather too much. Besides, I want to know how the whole global warming theory pans out.

Super-sight? Super-hearing? So. So.

Shape-shifting? Tele-kinesis ? Hmmmm.

The power to absorb other superheroes' powers like Peter Petrelli of Heroes? That would be dumb, as I would have to keep searching for them.

The power to understand how anything works like Sylar in Heroes? Messy, as then Id get an uncontrollable urge to kill other superheroes and understand how they use their abilities.

Then I realize, that in this world, with no other super heroes and no super villains, choosing any one power from the list above, would rather complicate my life.

Sad as my choice is, Id rather prefer to stay as I am, rather than risk the tremendous frustration that would no doubt befall me once I realize that I have chosen the wrong superpower.



On the other hand, if GOD allows me to put down certain conditions, this is what Id choose:

The power of time travel, with unlimited rewind-forward ability and the safeguard that none of my actions would ever threaten my own existence.

Wow ! That would be awesome. I'm off on my imaginary trip again. And this time it wont end in regret. And even if if does, ill simply go back in time !

Two tips to try...

All of us make mistakes in life. I have made my share too. We can either forget them, try to push them away from our memories, hoping that someday we completely forget about them.

But sometimes the best way to learn from your mistakes is to carry them with you. So that every time you have a chance of making the same one again, you just have to look over your shoulder and be reminded of it. It helps if you have a good memory. This might sound like a pessimistic way of dealing with mistakes, but its not.

Try it.

On another note, my teacher once told me an interesting way to deal with anger. Anger indirectly raises your own blood pressure he said. Instead, be cool, and make the person who made you angry, angrier. To paraphrase, “Don’t get mad, get even”. We deal with inefficiency every day. Casual attitudes, broken promises, lies, traffic, road-rage, weather, clumsy spills, noisy distractions, annoying people. So many things that make us angry. The trick, he said, is to consciously keep a cool head, and use whatever power/authority you have to intelligently turn the tables around on the situation at hand.



He explained further, “Say your students bunk a lecture. Don’t shout and scream and rant at them, simply declare the topic as over. Students bunk a test. Set a tougher paper the next time! “

I have felt incredibly empowered ever since. I try to use this theory whenever I can. Sometimes after getting mad, I realize I forgot the rule: To remain cool and get even. Sometimes, I succeed. The worst part is when I get angry about forgetting not to get angry. Yes, its complicated. But imagine if everybody were to successfully implement this, we have a lot less shouting. We would see a sharp drop in anti-hypertensive medication. We would end up using more than 1% of our brains. The possibilities are endless.

Try this too.

Oh and yes, of course, the ‘getting even’ part of this trick is not recommended in case of traffic/road-rage.

An unexpected lesson...

Sometimes you learn valuable lessons at the most unexpected times and places. A colleague at work recently quit his job. I knew him for about 6-7 months; he was working in another department for 5 years before that.

As his last day came closer, people from other departments began dropping in.
People whom I had never seen before came and said hello. He was given more than one farewell party. A few of them were sad that he was leaving. A few were happy, they thought he could do much better elsewhere. There were gifts for himself, for his little son. And lots and lots of heartfelt good wishes.

And everyone had good things to say about him. About how he was a good man. Hardworking and helpful.

As he finally left on his last day, I thought about a few things. About the impression he had left on the people here. Nobody really cared which car he came in, and the clothes and cologne that he wore. I realized that these things weren’t really important. What people remembered were the kind gestures, the helpful little things he had done for them and of course, the rock solid work he had done for the hospital.

I guess what really matters, is the impression you left on peoples minds as a person. There are different ways about going about your job. You can either be mechanical about it, sort of detached, or you can get involved. One of my closest friends is at one end (the involved one) of the spectrum. But maybe that’s not possible for everyone.

What we could do is not let personal disillusionment/frustration/bitterness cloud our attitude at work. Be a good person; be more likable, and not just efficient.

Trust me; it is more difficult than it sounds.

Its not really fate, mate !

I hate it when good or bad things happen to people and they say, "It's fate". Unless you actually know what your fate really is, you cant be sure. A few years ago, my friend has written a piece on time travel. What it said was that you will never really appreciate time unless you have the ability to see yourself from an outside perspective. From HIS perspective.

Similarly, unless you came across a neat little black book that said that you were meant to be a doctor, only then can you safely say "Yes, it is fate." But who really knows? Maybe you were meant to be a lawyer, or a scuba diver. But the decisions you made, lead to a cascade of events that made you a doctor.

We dont know what our destiny is, and that makes life really unpredictable. As is the cliche in numerous movies like "The Minority Report" or "The Matrix" , you always have a choice. Your choices ultimately lead you to where you will go. To say that even the choices we make our pre-ordained is a pretty pessimistic and depressing thought.

So the next time you hear the words.. "Oh I was meant to do this/that" OR "Oh this was meant to happen", you know what to do !

P.S. Smirk, and proceed to give them a dose of the above :-)

A yearly start...

It’s amazing how little time you get to introspect. The end of a year offers a good opportunity to do just that. 2009 is over and done with. Every 31st, I like to look back at the year that has gone by. Why is a calendar year important? Because you need to have a certain time frame to think about what you have done. Or haven’t. If you suddenly look back at your entire life, it might overwhelm you. So many rights, so many wrongs. So many regrets, so many feel-good moments. So we divide our life into years. Its easier one at a time.

There are always a few years that stand out. I remember 1997 when I joined Fergusson. 2004-05 when I was an intern. 2009 joins this list.

It’s been an eventful year. For the first three-four months I was practically at home, cramming for my Masters exam. I remember the late nights, which got longer with every passing day. How I disconnected my cable connection, and missed the entire IPL2. I passed my Masters exam in June this year. The process drained me emotionally and physically. The last time I was this vulnerable was a long time ago. Hopefully the next time will be a longer time away. It was the last formal academic exam of my life and finally after 27 years, I was out looking for a job.

July had me making the biggest career decision of my life. Hopefully i have made the right one.

2009 also saw me on my third weight loss program. I had succumbed to gluttony earlier in the year and I had to do something about it. After my exams I lost more than 10 kgs over the next 3 months. I lost craving for junk food. And I removed the mental block I had against walking.

2009 was the worst year for Hindi Cinema. Time and again I went to see a movie and came away disappointed and frustrated. Now I am fast losing interest in hindi movies. At the same time, I developed an addiction to English TV shows. This year saw me polishing off Prison Break, Heroes, Wonder Years, 24, How I Met your Mother, Lost, Entourage and The Big Bang theory. They keep getting better.

This year I bought my first car with my own money. They say you can never forget your first car. Time will tell…

There were also a few things I could not do this year. Go to Goa for the first time. Visit my school. Do some charity. Start reading novels again. Publish a book of my nano stories.

Hopefully when I write this piece next year, I will have done all of them.

Happy new year!

e = mc 2

Most things in life are relative. So is intelligence. In my two years of Fergusson College, due to my mother's foresight, I was undeservedly bumped up to the offfical Business Class of FC, a.ka. Division C. You had to get more than 88% in your 10th standard exams to make the grade and I had 80%. By logical deduction, I was the dumbest student in my class of 144 students. No exagerration, no bullshit.

I remember the panic attacks durng the exams, the blacking out, the lies and the cheating. I remember not coming to collge the day the marks would be displayed and the papers discussed.Of course, I would get the least marks in my group and in my class. I scraped through 11th standard using questionable methods. Some of my friends got dumped to other divisions. I felt pretty rotten about it for a while.

The next year was no different. And not that I tried. I put in an honest effort whenerever required. The regular blood,sweat and tears.But the impact of being the dumbest student in class stayed with me.

Then, everything changed.

In BVU Dental College and Hospital, I witnessed a whole new world. There was no scrambling to get the first row seats. If you didnt land a perfect score, it was actualy pardonable. And, miraculously, I suddenly emerged to the fore as a clever student. I barely made the top ten in my first year, but no one seemed to notice. I was still given the tag of a topper.

Even more surprisngly, I rose in the ranks for the following two years. And trust me, I was exactly the same person, giving the same priority to studies, with the same intensity of concentration.

So what was the difference? Not to be impolite, my company wasnt as illustrous as FC Division C. Relatively, I was suddenly very intelligent.

A parallel story can be told about my oration. Throughout my 8 years in dental college, I was considered as one of the best orators in college. In my years in Loyola High School, I wouldnt have even made the top 15.

Does that speak not-too-highly of my college? Yes, maybe. There were other talents in abundance though.

If you can look at your skills and talents from an outside frame, from a exterior perspective,comparing yourself with a larger group of people, you realize really how good (or average) you are. Try it.

e= mc2 ? Not quite, but then I guess Eisntein would have been a genius in any class.

One step at a time...

When you are travelling by a vehicle, you miss a lot of unimportant things. Everyday, you zoom by on the same roads you take everyday. You take a lot of things for granted. The pavement, the signals, the little shops lining the roads, and of course the people.

Try taking a walk on the same road. You will be amazed at the amount of things you notice and remember. Yesterday, I took a walk down one of the most popular roads in my city. I started at one end, and went down the entire length of the road. it was a route that i must have traveled a million times, especially since I studied for two years in a very famous college on the same road.

The walk brought back some great memories.I walked past the bookstore, where I had bought all my school books,for 10 years straight. I remembered coming there in the rain, dashing from the car to the safety of the shop. Passing on the list to the same person who used to be there year after year. I remembered the distinct smell of the newly opened text books. Wrapping them in bags and running to the car, hoping them stay dry. I looked up at the shop now. It had a strange, new name and a couple of youngsters standing outside were smoking. I walked on.


A few hundred feet later, I passed the coffee shop, and I remembered being there the first day it had opened. I was in the long queue, jostling amongst the crowd. Coffee was 25 Rs a cup, a significant dent in the weekly savings in those days. After we had managed a table, I remember the smirks on our faces, looking at the surging crowd below. We were there, we had made it. As I passed it, there were just a few tables occupied and the window panes looked as if they hadnt been washed for weeks. Of course, there were at least 2 such coffee shops on every road now. I somehow didnt feel like going in.

A little later I reached the main gate of my college. It was a late hour of the day and there was no sign of life. I remembered vividly walking in through that very gate for the first time in 1997. I didn't know at that point, that the next two years inside that gate would change my life forever.

As I walked back home, I thought about how all these places had changed so much. About why some things couldn't stay exactly the way you remembered them. I wondered why change was so inevitable.

I didn't have the answers. But I was glad I had taken that walk.

62 years...

When you are in school, there aren't too many options. When its the morning assembly, you have to line up and recite the prayers, whether you like it or not. When its 15th August, you have to come to school for the flag hoisting, and recite the national anthem.

The idea behind this compulsion, is that when your a kid, you don't have the common sense and the moral/civic responsibility to do so voluntarily. It is expected that when you grow up, you do. But thats really not the case.

One of the negatives of having a choice, is being able to make the wrong one.

Junior college, professional college and then the place where you work... all have the flag hoisting ceremony on 15th August. But none make it compulsory. And you dont end up going. Excuses range from wanting to sleep in because of a tight schedule, or having other ways to respect the flag, or simply being out of town on vacation.

From 1996 (my last year in school), till date I havent attended a single flag hoisting ceremony. Because I had a choice not to. This year, and last night, I really dont know why I changed my mind, but I felt like I had to go. It could be the Mumbai Terror Attack, or the recession, or the drought, or the swine flu.I just felt the need to be a part of, and show some unity to no-one in particular, but everybody in general.

So I went. Surprisingly, the actual ceremony wasnt really awe-inspiring. There was the hoisting of the flag, the singing of the national anthem and a speech or two. But standing there, silently with hundreds of others, I finally understood why people gathered on 15th August for just 15 minutes.

In the turbulent times that we live in, we need to find such occasions to come together. To silently share pain, joys and sorrow. To make new resolutions, and to try and not break old ones. To look at our flag with new respect. To actually sing the anthem and mean every word.

And most importantly, to celebrate and understand our independence. Jai Hind.

Servicing People...

So the dust has finally settled. I thought I would be back blogging by the 1st of July, but things took a little longer to settle down than I anticipated.To cut a long story short, I have a good routine now, which will allow me some time to put down my thoughts. So here goes....

Some time back, I caught up with a friend of mine who works in Goa. We were talking about this and that, when he said " I have finally realized, I am good at servicing people".

That day, I realized that not many of us are really good at servicing people. We might be hot shots at our respective professions, but do we really rock at servicing people? And how important is that?

Very important. Some people have the in-born knack of making you comfortable when you are with them. Ive noticed it while talking to waiters, to salesmen,a few teachers too. This makes them special. And this quality is what you remember in them

Unfortunately,there is no formal training in this regard that you can get. Either you have it, or you dont. My friend does, and he has intelligently made full use of this quality.

I realized that day, it is really hard to make people happy. And even harder, to keep them happy. Its one thing just doing your job well, but making the people you work with comfortable and happy is something else. And we dont always manage to do that.

I envy people who are good at "servicing people". Its one quality that will never go unnoticed, never go out of style.

"I'll be back..."

I really doubt any of you are going to read this, cause most of you must have given up on me.

But decency demands (something that I should have done long ago) that at least I let you know that I wont be posting anything new till my exams are over, that is till mid-june.


Hope to see your wonderful comments soon !!!

Take care and God Bless,

Rohit.

Am I the odd one out ?

I love movies, something thats pretty obvious from my blog. i take watching movies and reviewing them very seriously. There have been a few times, when ive been baffled at my friends and in fact the whole countries reaction to a few movies.

Ive always wondered, how could people like this crap ?

Here are a few examples of movies released in the last 12-18 months:

1. Bheja Fry:


This was one movie that I somehow sat through expecting the next scene at least to be remotely funny. I was disappointed. While the whole theatre guffawed when Vinay Pathak said " Its ringing " for the 17th time, I thought ( in true Joey style) of tearing my arm off, so that i could have something to throw at the screen.


2.Jaane tu ya Jaane na : refer to my complete review here:



A weak script which made the characters change emotions at its fancy, this movie was another pain in the a**.

The only redeeming factor? A delightfully brooding Prateik Babbar.


3. Bhool Bhulaiyya :



This movie holds the ignominious distinction, of being the second movie ( after Gadar) that i walked out of. Please explain to me, what is so funny about Akshay Kumar saying " Goti...goti..goti...goti" ????

4. Om Shanti Om:





An engaging first half gave way to an utterly unbearable second. With a stupid script and no dramatic moments, my interest waned very fast. Why did I keep watching ? SRK.

5. Partner:



A loyal David Dhawan fan, I landed up for this one with high expectations. I must have laughed maybe 2-3 times during the entire movie. Can you explain to me the ludicrous water jet-ski-missile scene ? Or the insufferable climax when the movie just doesn't end?

And ya maybe I forgot to mention, all these 5 movies, were super-duper hits. Please please write in telling me whether you loved any/all these movies.

And no quasi-philosophical comments about everyone opinion being different please.

Thank you for not loving cricket !

For long, Ive cussed at people for not loving cricket. I mean, How can you not?? Ive publicly ridiculed them, safe with the knowledge that out of every 100 people at any social gathering, 98 would be on my side.Indians at least, I have said, should undergo a medical examination if they are found to not love this amazing game.

There were times when I used to proclaim, that I am a cricket lover first, and then a Hindu, a Brahmin etc etc...

But not after today. We were seated in the hall with some relatives who had come over for lunch. The topic veered to cricket.

" How can you not like cricket ? " I posed to my mother and aunt.

" Thank your stars we dont," she replied. "If we did, who would run the house? "


There was a minute's silence, and me and Dad looked at each other. Like she almost always is, my mom was right. I did some thinking.

If my mom was a cricket fanatic, who would cook when the match was on ? Who would serve? Who would attend to the doorbell? Who would do the countless other things that she did when me and Dad sat glued to the TV for hours...

I then proceeded to expand my thoughts beyond my family. Work Colleagues. I remember my batch mate, who wasn't interested in cricket at all. He was my OPD duty partner during internship. So many times ive asked him to stand in for me when Ive sneaked off to watch a game. Would he have let me if he was equally crazy about cricket ?

And not only me, there may be million of others who rely on the "cricket-disinterest" of thousands, to be able to watch the game in peace.

I have decided that will never berate an individual who does not like cricket.

Who knows, he/she may come in handy someday. More sooner than later , I think.

A good reason to be back...

Phew. Finally my slate is somewhat empty. Im sitting at my computer at 7:30 in the evening, without a deadline to beat. I dont remember this happening for a long long time.

Why didn't I blog for almost a month and a half? I was busy , yes. But frankly, I didn't feel like writing about anything.

Today, I do.

There is a joy in meeting veterans, be it of any kind. That joy is multiplied many times over, when it is a veteran from your own field. My father, passed his BDS examination in 1970, when most of you reading this weren't even born.In the entire dental fraternity of Pune, I don't know a single person who is senior to my father. Soon after passing out, he joined Dr. Ram Kale, a leading dentist at that time, to learn some handy practical tips.

Today, 38 years later I was destined to meet the very man my father learnt the tricks of the trade from. It is the hallmark of great men, to be modest. I don't know how they achieve it. I find myself bragging to every junior I can find.

Dr. Ram Kale came across as an extremely soft spoken person and he was kind enough to talk to me for almost an hour. He is 72 now, and only practices for an hour or so a day. During the conversation, a few interesting snippets came to light:

- He said my Grandfather,(noted literary writer and freedom activist G.V. Behere once called him for a dental appointment. He expected my Grandfather to be clad in pyjamas and wearing a Gandhi-topi, but he was shocked to see a tall fair handsome man wearing a shirt flashier than yours truly and puffing away at a cigarette.They became great friends since, enjoying many a drink and dinner together.


- He told me he had constructed my grandmothers first set of dentures, asking for her photograph with teeth so that he could try and replicate the facial form. In those days ! Awesome !

_ He remembered coming to the opening of my fathers first clinic on Tilak road, and after hearing this i realized i didnt know anyone alive (other than my mom) who was present there that day !

- He said my father had asked him whether he should take up the Short Service Commission in the Army , and how he had advised my father against doing so.

I heard all this spellbound. And while leaving I just had to touch his feet. "Please don't ", he said.

I said , "You are one of the very few people, to whom my own father would have done the same thing as I did," I replied.

Thankfully, he accepted the explanation.

Try Walking Away...

Sometimes, its best not to argue. You may be right, or you may be wrong, it doesn't matter. And especially if the fight is with someone you are close to, its the best way to diffuse the situation.

Eight years ago, I had a trivial fight with one of my close friends. Just when harsh words were beginning to be said, I walked away. We didn't speak for the next month or so, but there were no biter memories of any stinging insults. There was just awkwardness. Which was eventually overcome. There is, of course, another way to go about these things. You could scream, shout, rave, rant, hurl abuses, debate and ultimately prove your point. But in doing so you say so many things, that you later on wish you hadn't.

My mom once told me , " Words are like Astras( Indian mythologial special powers granted by the GODS just by saying them aloud); once they are spoken, they cannot be taken back." You could hurt someone really badly with a sentence that hits them where no slap, punch or kick can.

And that is why I choose to walk away. Or hang up. Depending on the situation. Just when you feel you are boiling over, turn the gas off. Cut yourself out. Take some time. Let a day or two pass. You wont believe the clarity of thought that comes with a new day.

A few months ago, a friend, his wife and yours truly were shopping at a mall. There was a mistake made by a employee, and my friend blew his top. Just when he started screaming at the employee, the Floor Manager came rushing to us, offered his apologies, and took us away to his office on another floor. This happened within 2-3 min. The speed and the way in which he diffused the situation greatly impressed me. We were given water, and free gifts. No arguments, no debate.

Rather than making a fire look insignificant by making an even bigger one next to it,I like to separate myself from it as much as I can, so its flames wont touch me. Eventually, the fire will burn itself out.

It might upset the other person, who is probably expecting a grand argument, but trust me, it works.

Try it the next time. Try walking away.

Love ? Actually?

When did love die? When, exactly did the last few glowing embers get stamped out? It was burning, albeit a slow flickering flame till about a few years ago.I can vouch for that. I look around me now, and I don’t see it anywhere. I don’t feel it anywhere.

You will brand me as a harsh cynic. I’m not. I’m actually being lenient here. All I see around me is convenience and practicality. If I had met anyone just starting college 8 years ago, I would have told that person “ Who knows, you might find your true love here… wait for it ”. Now Ill probably tell him, “ Make the most of your time in college . Sure, if you do find love, don’t let it go, but please don’t sit around waiting for it. ”

They say times have changed. Now kids have mobile phones. Generous pocket money. Uncensored internet access. Facebook accounts. Do I belong to this generation? Hey, I’m only 26. But I can confidently say that I grew up differently.

The period from 14-20 is considered to be the most volatile period for a man’s hormones. And in those 6 years, I grew up with a landline, very little pocket money, no internet and cable TV just in its fledgling stages. Thank God for that.

They say when you meet the person you love, you experience a lot of things. Your heart rate increases dangerously. So does your respiratory rate. If you are really in for it, your fingers might start trembling slightly. You start feeling the saliva accumulate in your mouth, and just when you feel it might spill out, you try to swallow it. But this confuses your vocal cords , and so you feel a huge lump in your throat that refuses to go away. A tingle runs down your spine. And more importantly, in your mind , you just know. Like how at that precise moment, Neo knew he was the one.

Do you know anyone, to whom the above has happened recently? Or has it happened to you in the recent past? Most probably, the answer to both these questions is no. You or your friends though, may have felt certain other feelings, which I choose not to describe here. Was love a finite element, which simply got used up and spent? Because love, as you will agree, is being used since the world began. Who is to confidently say, that he-dinosaurs did not go ga-ga over dainty little she-dinosaurs?

The way love is depicted in movies has changed. And that is why, I consider Kabhi Alvida na Kehna, to be ahead of its times. There was no melodramatic lovey-dovey slow-mo shots, a la DDLJ, a la KKHH, a la hundreds of other movies. They needed each other, they were they for each other. Simple.

Infidelity has increased at the same rate as the way love has decreased. Are they inversely proportional? A friend of mine, had this as the startup phone screen message for years “ ALL MEN ARE BASTARDS”. I used to vehemently deny that. Now I don’t. And it holds true for women as well. Someone I knew, someone whose relationship I had been following since its inception, recently fell prey to temptation. That person was the last bastion of resistance. No more.

I have written this piece after giving much thought to the matter. It has not been written hastily, but after months, years of observation and experimentation. Both with self and with others.

Nothing sums up my sentiments, like this line from KANK :

“ Mohabbat ke zamaane gujar gaye janab,

Mohabbat ke zamaane gujar gaye janab,

Ab chote-mote pyar se hi kaam chala li jiye aap…”

Four rupees..

When was the last time you bargained for something ? Maybe it cost Rs.60, and you wanted it for Rs. 50. For 15 rupees, you pleaded your case for half an hour like a lawyer in the High Court. Ive done that a few times as well.

The question is, did I really need to save those 15 rupees? Was I bargaining just because it was simply not done to accept the given rate, or was I actually needy?

A few days ago, I had to give my two-wheeler for servicing. With the rains like that are here in Pune it was not prudent to postpone it any longer. I stay about 12 km from college and most of it is one long straight road, a so-called highway. There are 6-seater auto rickshaws that ply on that road, and after my father had dropped me there, I got into one of those. Ive traveled in them a few times, and i knew that the fare for a journey of about 4-5 km was Rs. 6/-.

I didn't bother asking him the fare and promptly proceeded to plug in my earphones and enjoy the bumpy ride. For once I was on the guilty side and I took sadistic pleasure at the way the driver made other motorists curse at him.

After a while, a stop before the point at which I was due to get off, a man alighted and handed two Rs.2 coins to the driver. The driver told the man that the fare was 8 rupees, not 4. The man stared in disbelief, and then the disbelief soon turned to anger. The two of them started arguing heatedly. The man was furious, sure that he had been cheated. He was helpless, as he had not bothered to ask the driver the fare beforehand. Although he knew he had to pay, the man made sure he let the driver know what he thought of him and his family.

I then realized, that the man was not arguing for the sake of hearing his own voice. It had pained him to be parted with 4 rupees due to his foolishness. He probably had a daily budget, and he had just overshot it. Would he have to skip his daily tea? Or the newspaper?

I then turned to look at the driver more closely. The prices of diesel had just shot up. He had been arguing just as vehemently as that other man. He probably had his monthly target to meet. An increase in fare of about Rs 4 per passenger would amount to hundreds of rupees in a month. He needed to win that argument for the sake of the other passengers. This argument would set the tone for the rest of the journey. I could see his tense, taut face from where I sat , in the side view mirror.The atmosphere inside the auto was a bit tense too, with the passengers wondering what they would do when their turn came. I'm sure none of them had bothered to ask him the fare.

These two men, had argued for almost five minutes for 4 rupees. But to me, it was worth much more than that.

My stop came , and I alighted. I got out and the driver looked at me, expecting me to ask him the fare and start another argument. I quietly handed out a 10 rupee note, and before he could react, I walked off. I could feel the other passengers staring at my back.

I had to take sides, and I had just taken his.